Ewwwww

Although the magazine is no longer available for free online, Wonkette was kind enough to post screenshots of some of the ads and articles from the first issue. And it is… honestly, I wish I were funny enough to make this stuff up, but I think even Raw-era Eddie Murphy would be hard-pressed to come up with this material. There is an article that claims that The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is a parable for young conservatives reshaping America. There is an article explaining why abstinence works (because it increases the chances of having a successful, stable marriage later in life) and how you can make it work for you (presumably, by spending every waking minute assaulting your genitals like you are a mob boss and they owe you money). There is even an article titled “Understanding Liberals,” which I like to imagine is accompanied by a drawing of a nebbishy, Woody Allen look-alike spearing an infant with a harpoon.

I hope it comes with a barf bag.

UPDATE: If you have a strong stomach, you can view the whole first issue on Scribd here.  Enjoy!

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One Response to New Magazine for Conservative Teens! [UPDATED]

  1. Gareth says:

    I expect there is also an article about the proper etiquette when a
    politically-connected Conservative man approaches a teen and invites him or her into the back of his van. This is one of those rare opportunities for advancement in the movment which must be jumped on…so to speak.

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