While I’m sure most readers are already aware of this, it bears repeating: demon sex can make you gay.  That’s right.

Christian magazine Charisma reports that sexual attacks by demons are so wonderfully orgasmic that victims worry they’ll never find the same kind of pleasure again with mere mortals. What a problem to wrestle with, but wrestle with it we will!

So, you’re certainly asking yourself by now, I get how demon sex can disturb my marriage, but how can it make me gay? It’s simple, really.

When a male demon, an incubus, sexually assaults a man the guy is so hooked he can’t go back to mortal women, so the next best thing is his  college roommate. And vice versa for women vs succubus. This stuff is not hard to understand.

So stay away from those watering holes where demons tend to hang out, and stick to sex with flesh and blood types. But if you must have sex with demons at least use some sort of inter-dimensional prophylactic.



6 Responses to Demon Sex Can Make You Gay

  1. Duane12 says:

    Dear Dr. Steve,
    Ah, what fond memories and troublesome rejections I recall from your analysis and advise. It reminds me of the old joke asking what the long “taken for granted” wife is thinking of during a routine consummation of her marriage vows, but lacking the earlier fervor and foreplay by her soul-mate. Her questioning, “I wonder what color should I paint the bedroom ceiling” or such an unrelated is only a surprise from a clueless, insensitive husband.

    I look forward to your offings on “wet dreams” and the morality involved, demonic or not, of unintended consequences while sleeping.

  2. PJ says:

    I find it disconcerting and more than a little unsettling that Medieval credenda worthy of an entry in Robert Burton’s Anatomy of Melancholy are so generously entertained in the 21st Century.

    Without aid of ouija or tyromancy (that is, divination by cheese) I shall make a prognostication:

    As in Salem, as in Innsbruck, as on the moor where thrice the brinded cat mew’d,
    Shall it be alleged the Demon hath been summoned by thy neighbor’s will;
    Thy neighbor then justly torched upon the rood
    Smoldered amidst puritanical rage so shrill.

    Just pointing out that there are 500 years of historical precedent to reference. Beliefs such as these did have a grisly culmination before being put to rest by the Enlightenment. At some point the accusations will fly and fly in a ghastly flurry. When that happens frenzied persecutions will follow. My guess is, unlike the organized inquisitors of old, the newly reborn inquisition will consist of random vigilante inquisitors divinely inspired and righteously armed.

    While it is tempting to dismiss this Charisma article as silliness, within it are a number of disturbing red flags that bode ill. Not least among them the mainstreaming of Medieval fanaticism. There’s a volatile combination of erratic elements a-brewin’ in this country and demonic sexual transgressions are but one notable ingredient of that passionate stew.

  3. PJ says:

    Bratomancy? Well, there is haruspicy – divination by entrails – of a sacrificial animal which is afterward cooked. Practitioners known as haruspex. I think there’s room for a bratospex – diviner of the roasted wurst.

    My use of tyromancy was tongue in cheek but the point I was making was not flippant. Sincerely believing demon sex can make you gay is one sign among many of stranger things to come.

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