Tony Stella nails it again.

This is hilarious. From stellareport.com:

 

BILL WOULD CLOSE OFF SILVER STREET IN HURLEY

Taconite Tom Tiffany introduced another bill in the Senate today.  The bill, drafted by GTAC’s lawyers in West Virginia, would limit citizen access to Hurley’s main drag whenever Bill Williams, Bob Seitz, or Tim Meyers are at GTAC’s offices at 402 Silver Street.  The measure passed after an emergency secret joint hearing of the senate and assembly attended only by republicans.  Republican Senator Dale Schultz said he was not made aware of the hearing. “Eco-terrorists are out to kill these guys,” said a wild eyed Tiffany.  ” I wish there were another way,” he added, “but we have to balance the public’s right to drive down Main Street with Chris Cline’s right to earn a profit on Wall Street.” Citizens are banned from all of Silver Street and will have to stay a block away from the GTAC headquarters in all other directions, meaning alleys and side streets are off limits too.  A red light in the window of the corporate office will signify that the rules are in effect, and a siren will wail each time one of the three big shots enters or exits the building.   Bars on the lower block will be prohibited from using the traditional red lights in order to avoid confusion. Almost every bar in town will be affected by the new measure.  Hurley tavern owners expressed outrage, pointing out they needlessly shut the town down earlier this year when GTAC screamed “bomb” at a backpack full of doobies left at its front door.  “100% of Hurley’s jobs are in the taverns, and this will have far-reaching economic consequences,”  said some drunk guy stumbling out of the Krash Inn.  “Those red lights are our heritage,” he added. “Unintended consequences,” said Tiffany, when asked to comment.  “Those are some real concerns, obviously, but we only had a few hours to read the legislation after the courier delivered it to my office,” he added. ” We can’t afford to give the public an opportunity to read these things before we pass them,” he said.   “We tried that with the frac sand bill and all hell broke loose,”  he lamented.

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4 thoughts on “Tony Stella nails it again.

  1. Come on……………….this is one heck of a joke……………but with this legislature anything is possible.

  2. This is crazy!!! Who rules anyway??? The taxpayers/long term residents of Hurley, and patrons of historic Silver Street (Yes, Silver Street is Historic) or carpet-bagging GTAC??? Ralph Capone is spinning in his grave!!!!

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