Hello, America. Your humble folkbum here with a modest proposal.
Every year, we honor those who gave their lives in service to the United States and her Constitution with Memorial Day, a day to pause and reflect what it means to be able to live your life in freedom today because someone gave his or her life in uniform yesterday. Also, to buy furniture at low, low prices, but mostly the first thing.
This is a big deal. There’s no question that this country and its fundamental liberties–things like free speech, free religion, free refills during the same visit to the restaurant–is unique in the world, and like the city set on a hill those freedoms act as a beacon to all around the world: you could be as awesome as us, but you’re not.
So we recognize the sacrifice of those who have died in the line of duty protecting those freedoms.
Which brings me to my proposal. An oft-overlooked freedom, especially by the pinko-bastard communist readers of this leftist-socialist website, is the Second Amendment freedom to keep and bear arms. This is a freedom that must be protected every day, because the gun-grabbing Obamabots will use any minor justification to try to pry these arms from our hands, whether warm and live or cold and dead.
And who are the brave warriors who die to protect this freedom? Whom should we honor with this new holiday I am proposing, a holiday to be called Gunmorial Day? (I considered other options, but “United States of America Second Amendment Gun Freedom Protection And Promotion Day” wouldn’t really fit on a calendar page. I have to be realistic here.)
On Gunmorial Day, we will honor the most innocent, yet most important, to die in defense of the Second Amendment: children.
It is a proud testament to the strength of America’s Second Amendment commitment to free and abundant and unregulated weaponry in civilian hands that so very, very many children die every year to protect that freedom and it remains unchallenged. Those who say, libtards, mostly, “How many children have to die before we take the guns away?” should ask themselves a different question. Would they ever say, “How many soldiers have to die before we take our free speech away?” No, they wouldn’t, unless they are a godless, stinky, peacenik hippie scum who should be thrown in jail for sedition if you ask me.
So let us honor and recognize the brave child warriors of our Second Amendment. Let us establish and celebrate Gunmorial Day.
I propose the date of December 14 annually. Mostly I suggest this date because it is late enough in the year that we would be able to list and name the children whose lives have been given in service to the gun in that calendar year. That will be somewhere between 1500 and 3500 names, depending on who you believe. I tend to believe the latter number, since even our toddlers know that there is no greater glory than to kill and die in service to America’s Second Amendment freedom.
But also it’s early enough in December it won’t get lost in the Christmas (I won’t say “holiday”) mess. I mean, the last thing American families need to be thinking of is their dead children when they should be thinking about the Patriot Jesus Christ on His birthday.
I am not sure, though, how to get Gunmorial Day started. What do you think, America? Should we start petitioning state by state, or should we just wait and assume President Carson will get it done once he’s elected?