For those not in the know, Charles “Don’t call me Charlie” Sykes, a local right-wing talking head, has a new book out. The book, 50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School, is basically nothing more than a little shtick Charlie started more than 10 years ago called, “Rules of life for teenagers.” 50 Rules is basically nothing more than the “Rules of life for teenagers” repackaged and expanded. In response to Charlie’s new book, Wisconsin’s lefty bloggers – an impressive group, to say the least – has come out with their own list, 50+ Things You Won’t Hear on Talk Radio. Now I can’t take any credit at all for contributing to this list, thought I sure do wish I had, because it’s funny as all get out.
Contributors to the list include Jim Rowen of The Political Environment, Michael and Anne Mathias of Pundit Nation, Paul Soglin of Waxing America, Cory Liebman and Scot Ross of One Wisconsin Now, Bill Christofferson and Steve Hanson of Uppity Wisconsin, Jay Bullock of folkbum’s rambles and rants, Joel McNally of 1290 WMCS Radio, the Brew City Brawler, Illusory Tenant and Milwaukee Rising. So without further gilding the lily, here’s the list:
50+ THINGS YOU WON’T HEAR ON TALK RADIO.
1. Might does not make right.
2. Repetition doesn’t make anything right.
3. Ditto wishful thinking.
4. Ditto the size of your IQ.
5. Size only matters if you’re insecure.
6. Guns do kill people.
7. The rich get rich and the poor get poorer; it’s the Republican way.
8. You are your brother’s and sister’s keeper.
9. People don’t choose to be poor any more than they choose to be gay.
10. The Fairness Doctrine is not an “Equal Time” rule.
11. The economy is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the environment, not the other way around. – Gaylord Nelson.
12. When you go to war, God is not on anyone’s side.
13. Reagan raised taxes.
14. I’m sorry.
15. I was wrong.
16. I shouldn’t have interrupted you.
17. Bill Clinton isn’t still President.
18. George Bush made a mistake.
19. Gays are human beings.
20. The American public turned against the Vietnam war before the press did.
21. There were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq.
22. Saddam Hussein was not behind 9/11.
23. Abstinence programs don’t stop teens from having sex.
24. Abortion is a choice best left to a woman and her doctor, not the government.
25. Prayer doesn’t improve test scores.
26. You are not entitled to your own facts.
27. Joe Wilson didn’t lie. Valerie Plame was covert.
28. Bill Clinton was incredibly popular.
29. Al Gore didn’t say all those things you think he said.
30. Climate change is real.
31. Tax cuts don’t increase revenue.
32. The Clinton Administration employed more women and minorities in top positions than the Bush administration.
33. Illegal immigrants commit fewer crimes than American citizens.
34. Universal health care is cheaper and of better quality in most Western nations than our “free market” approach in the US.
35. Compassionate Conservatism is neither.
36. When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed. – Mother Teresa.
37. Blaming parents for their out of control teenagers may feel good but it does not lower homicide rates.
38. Iraq was not a breeding ground for Al Qaeda terrorists until the United States invaded.
39. No Democrat was ever caught fondling a FEMA director and saying, “You are doing a heckofa job Brownie.”
40. Politicians should leave the science to the scientists.
41. Political scientists should learn that politics is not a science.
42. Medical decisions should be between doctors and patients, not between big insurance companies and their accountants.
43. Even people that I disagree with are innocent until proven guilty.
44. Being poor is not a character defect.
45. You didn’t grow up rich in the suburbs because you’re so smart. (You were born on third base; that doesn’t mean you hit a triple.)
46. Radio airwaves belong to the public; broadcasting on them is a privilege, not a right.
47. The greatest tragedy in mankind’s history may be the hijacking of morality by fundamentalists.
48. The poor go to heaven, too.
49. In fact, it has been said that “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
50. Taxes are not inherently evil.
51. The US health care system really isn’t the best in the world
52. Dick Cheney is not omniscient
53. The president really can’t just do anything he damn well pleases. Even if he’s a Republican.
54. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. — Bertrand Russell.
55. Gay marriage won’t hurt your marriage.
56. Poverty causes social problems.
57. The Constitution mandates a separation between church and state.
58. The right to privacy is a constitutional guarantee.
59. Justice Scalia has expressly repudiated strict constructionism.
60. The U.S was founded not on Christian but on Enlightenment principles.
61. Bill Clinton was, at worst, slightly right of center.
62.. It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena… attributed to Theodore Roosevelt.
63. The United States is the only country in the world to have dropped nuclear bombs on a civilian population–twice.
64. Be a class act. Class seems to be inextricably related to kindness, consideration, and a general recognition of human worth. — Roy Beers.
65. Being black in America is hard. It doesn’t just give you special privileges.
66. Being gay could not possibly be a choice since no child who ever heard the hatred tossed around playgrounds would ever choose it.
67. Living in poverty is hard work. It’s not for the lazy.
68. The truly conservative position on gay marriage would be to insist upon it.
69. We’re going to need all the immigrants we can get here to pay into Social Security to support the Baby Boomers in retirement.
70. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
71. Blessed are the meek, for they shall possess the earth.
72. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
73. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice, for they shall be satisfied..
74. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
75. Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.
76. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
77. Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
78. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.
79. If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.
And finally, a few of local interest to Sykes & Company:
80. Really — hair is supposed to move!
81. Jessica McBride is not a journalist.
82. Midnight fireworks can backfire.
83. Paul Bucher has never been a judge, not even for one day.
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