Ron Johnson Says Sunspots Caused Capitol Riot

In a startling development US Senator Ron Johnson ( R-WI) told reporters in Washington DC today that sunspots caused the January 6th attack on the Capitol. Referencing a recent article from the National Science Foundation suggesting that the current sunspot cycle could be one of the strongest on record, Johnson exclaimed ” think about it a minute, you got these strong sunspots whipping up, which, by the way, is science folks, these opposing magnetic pulls all over the damn place, electrons whizzing around like crazy, and the next thing you know you’re wearing horns, hosing cops down with bear spray and busting through windows with stolen police shields. I mean, you can’t tell me shit like that doesn’t happen! If those people had been wearing visors none of this would have occurred.”

Reminded by reporters that he has previously suggested that sunspots cause climate change Johnson shot back, ” no, Nancy Pelosi is causing global warming.” Glancing down and shuffling some papers Johnson said” ummmm….. ahhhh…… wait a minute, it looks like I’ve mixed up some notes here. Let me get back to you on that” as he abruptly left the podium.

Follow up calls to Johnson’s office were not returned at press time.


Related Articles