Amid criticism from leaders of both political parties following the White House’ decision to abruptly order a bombing raid on targets in Syria, President Joe Biden finally disclosed how he determined the controversial move was legal.
” I had a virtual Zoom lunch with Senate parliamentarian Elizabeth McDonough” Biden told reporters, ” and we discussed the issue in great detail until she finally said ” Are you shitting me, Joe? You don’t need to be a CPA or a lawyer to know that continuing America’s Forever Wars obviously has a HUUUUGE budget impact! Wake the fuck up man!”
Said Biden, ” I appreciated her expertise so much that I paid for lunch. Fortunately for me she’s a Subway fan and a six inch meal deal only ran me a ten spot!”.
Pressed by reporters to respond to the parliamentarian’s questionable ruling that including a $15 minimum wage in his American Rescue Plan violates the so-called ” Byrd Rule” Biden, obviously irritated, shouted ” Look, can we bomb the minimum wage? If I can bomb it then we might be able to get somewhere, but if it’s just going to be about raising wages for tens of millions of American workers my hands are tied. Don’t you fucking people watch the news!”
Inside sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that while Biden has no immediate plans for military action against the minimum wage he’s clearly supportive of economic sanctions.