[satire : fiction : satire : fiction : satire : faux news : satire : fiction : satire : fiction : satire]
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Franksville WI: On November 30, 2021, sauerkraut farmer Gerhard Muenter was finishing his fall preparation for the spring cabbage planting season. He had just turned his tractor and plow rig around and started a new group of furrows when he felt a familiar tug on the plow and stutter in the forward motion of the tractor. Mr. Muenter climbed down to investigate. This is an excerpt from his official statement:
This happens all of the time. Usually it’s just a field stone that worked it’s way to the surface and finally has reached plowing depth. I just grab those and throw them on the field stone fence line that separates the farm from the county highway. Once in a great while you find a mastodon bone. Those you throw on the tractor and eventually donate to the Racine County Historical Society. But this time I found a bunch of paper floating around behind the plow. Looked like official government type stuff so I called the authorities.
And the authorities arrived and taped out that corner of the field. Additional detectives and forensic specialists were called in. After careful and detailed inspection of the area, the authorities removed three intact canvas mail bags and a fourth one that was torn open by Mr. Muenter’s plow. They also retrieved the lose paper that had been released during the incident. So far weird but not that interesting.
But here’s the thing. At an official press conference on December 20, 2021, Constable Jake Witherspoon provided these facts.
This past November 30th, local authorities recovered three intact and one damaged canvas mail bag from a field on the Muenter Bros. Sauerkraut Farm. These bags were moved to an undisclosed secure location. But after a complete and thorough forensic audit, it was determined that the bags contained 5,788 absentee ballots. All of these ballots were marked for Assembly Speaker Robin Vos’ opponent in the November 3rd, 2020 election. This information has been provided to the Wisconsin Election Commission. Any further inquiries should be directed to them. We have no intentions of pursuing this at this time.
5,788 votes for Rep. Vos’ opponent? That would indicate that Rep. Vos lost by….one vote. These lost ballots can only be the result of a steal the vote conspiracy. It is distressing that the local constabulary isn’t pursuing this any further.
There was no opportunity for the Vos Campaign to respond. But we do have this anonymous statement from someone on the Michael Gableman 2020 Election investigation. The source requested anonymity because they weren’t aloud (sic) to speak of matters involved in the investigation.
Justice Gableman says that this is a nothing burger. But he appreciates the disposal of these extraneous pieces of paper by burying them instead of contributing to global warming by burning them. But if anyone finds Mike Lindell’s pillows that went missing during a number of recent flash mob shoplifting events, he’d appreciate knowing immediately!
Blogging Blue will keep you abreast of this story as it develops.
[satire : fiction : satire : fiction : satire : faux news : satire : fiction : satire : fiction : satire]
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