I must have gotten on someone’s enemies list somewhere. I am not a frequent flyer but for the past 15 years I have taken at least one international trip each year. So I know to put my little bitty liquids in the one quart sized bag and take off my shoes and put anything with metal into my suitcase before going through TSA.
So I thought I was all set when I was going through security at O’Hare last month for my trip to France. Put my bag on the conveyor…my shoes and tablet in the tray…and climbed into the whirly gig x-ray machine which whirled and twirled around me twice…no flashing lights…no buzzers…so I headed off to the conveyor to retrieve my possessions.
Well until a TSA agent grabbed me and pulled me aside. So I expected to get the wand. Nope! He says, I have to pat you down and from pretty high in your crotch…so you have the right to a private room. I look around and really…everyone is stressed out and trying to reassemble themselves…they aren’t paying any attention to this little drama beyond the line.
So I just say…go ahead and let’s just get this over. So first he swabs my hands and stick the swab into his little machine. Then he pats me down crotch to ankle…each leg. Then armpit to waist…both sides. What I didn’t expect was the hand inside the waistband of my jeans from hip to butt to hip. After looking at the swab results…he said I was good to go.
It took everything I had to keep my sarcastic mouth shut…I so wanted to say: “I’ve had better”. But I kinda wanted to get to Paris on schedule.
Not sure what that was all about.
BTW: The French don’t make you take your shoes off.
They are checking for a foreign substance that was on the screen. My wife had to get felt up because she had a popcorn kernel that fell into her bra. It was super intrusive.