In a rare show of near unanimous and almost unheard of cooperation in Washington DC, the leadership of both major political parties today held a press conference on Capitol Hill and unveiled what they are heralding as a ” fix” to America’s long standing health care cost problems.
” The Gofundme/Lemonade Health Insurance Act of 2021 (GFLHIA21)” intoned Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) ” is a bi-partisan response to the inspiring story of Elizabeth Scott, the little seven year old Alabama girl who sold lemonade to fund her brain surgery. That is some full tilt boogie, all American boot strap shit right there” said McConnell. ” If you’re home right now whining about your premium or deductible maybe you just need to harden the fuck up and grow a pair of pre-pubescent ovaries”.
” I’m down with Mitch”, said House minority leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). ” Pretty sure he said it all, but let me just add that Americans want the freedom to figure out their problems on their own. They don’t want or need pesky government regulations or programs that have the promise of providing better health insurance coverage at a lower cost. People aren’t that stupid.”
Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) read from a joint statement prepared by him and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA):
” Given that a third of all GoFundme campaigns are for medical bills, and recognizing that the locus of the Affordable Care Act resides almost entirely within the private sector, we’re proud today to announce that a link to GoFundme will now appear on the official Healthcare.Gov website.” said Schumer. ” No matter the specs of your overpriced underinsurance you can now, through begging, stave off financial ruin through this unique public/private partnership. “
Among its provisions the GFLHIA21 would expand broadband access to all Americans to more effectively and timely manage their fundraisers, federally subsidize the 2.9% GoFundme platform fee, classify a Gofundme medical fundraiser contribution as charitable under the IRS tax code, and send every contributor a ” Full Tilt Boogie Boot Strapper ” T-shirt, coffee mug or ball cap. “Americans want to do the right thing” said Schumer. ” They just need a little help helping their fellow Americans. It’s a no-brainer. It’s a “let’s help them to help others” kind of thing”.
Asked by reporters if she thought the GFLHIA21 was sufficient to buffer American families from the tragedy of medical bankruptcy Speaker Pelosi quipped ” you tell me, who doesn’t like lemonade?”